Saturday, September 17, 2011

Heads Up

By now you've no doubt heard that a “bus sized” dead NASA satellite named UARS is scheduled to come crashing down to earth as early as next Sunday.

NASA says it won't know for sure where it will hit until just before it enters the atmosphere, moving at a speed of 18,000 mph- too fast to give anybody time to get out of the way.

According to the press release, the possible target range is "basically everywhere people live, between 57 degrees north, and 57 degrees south."

NASA says most of the satellite will burn up as it re-enters the atmosphere, but that 26 pieces, totaling more than 1,000 pounds, will make it to the ground somewhere.

The chances of a person getting hit?
"Is on the order of one in 3,200," said a NASA spokesperson.

The consensus among the staff and me here at CHS54 dot com headquarters is that, “them odds ain't good enough.”

 So, we're taking a page from the Hale Bop Comet survival manual and are recommending that our readers wear “tin foil hats” until the danger has passed.

The history of wearing tin foil hats was begun around 1920 when it was discovered that they protected the citizens from the government's secret electronic propaganda waves aimed at unsuspecting American brains.

 The government discontinued this practice around 1948, when they learned that Television did the same thing, but much better.

The “tin foil hat solution” was revived in 1997 when it was realized that the odds of the Hale Bop comet crashing down on someones head decreased dramatically when the odds makers added the line, “while wearing a tin foil hat,” to the equation.

The same mathematical formula applies to this latest threat from outer space.

According to this website's calculations, it brings down your odds of being hit by UARS to 1 in a little over 2 trillion.

Ignore this advice at your own risk. -Ed